last of the day

the hard part, is looking to the past, and knowing that she felt the same way, or even worst, and it would be so easy to make it go back to normal... but I didn't knew.
a part of me says "you deserve this, I am glad you didn't take another chance, because you would find a way to make her suffer more".
Well, that part may be right... and after so long, at least because of this feelings, I think it would be bad for us to be together. It is everything so extreme, and I need to calm down.
Even knowing that, I can't shake away this feelings, and that makes it hard to move on... even after this long.
The vision of a future of peace, and a new open door is something that gives me strength to keep going.
I sometimes make this look like it is so much and painful, but I know deep inside this is nothing, and one day will be only a sad memory of this mistake.
But for now I can only write this words to make me feel good.
The sharing part also helps, because maybe I will catch another crazy person like me that maybe will find this and will not feel alone... even if is only for a moment.
Tomorrow I will try to start the new story.
My belly is working better llately, so I feel generally better too, so it may work. We will see.

Well, good night.
(I kind like hope you don't read this. It is not your problem anymore :) )

Blady out.